I finally have purple hair! I've been fantasizing about it since June, and now my curls are gloriously mauve, with that little bleached lock by my left ear. They are too short to whip up the pretty retro up-do's I love so much, but it goes well with the mood I have been in lately. A standoffish mood.
There is nothing new there; it seems to be my default mood, really. Wherever I went never seemed to be the right place, so keeping my distance was generally the only thing to do. Trying to fit in was like trying to squeeze myself in a piece of clothing that didn't fit: I knew that I could try, but I would always look ridiculous and never feel comfortable.
It's how I knew that I was really in love when I met my man. I felt at home for the first time in my life. No need to pull, stretch, try to get things to fall into place. They just did.
But back to the main topic. Once I realized that trying to fit, even in so-called anti-conformist scenes (more about that later...), was a waste of time, I just figured that doing what I wanted and what I liked was the best thing to do, regardless of people's expectations. I don't like the words "anti-conformity" all that much because it starts with such an obviously negative stance. But it's the necessary first step towards knowing yourself, expressing yourself and being yourself, truly, without any social constraints. None of that is easy, by the way. And most of the time, you need to go through a lot of loneliness and pain before you find the right place.
There are unfortunate side-effects to deal with, once the decision to just be yourself is made. I deal with dirty looks, snide comments and big surprised eyes almost on a daily basis. But people think they know what meets their eyes. They latch their attention on to one detail (or an ensemble of details), and associate it with the closest stereotype they can think of. But real, honest people are not stereotypes. They are human beings, and that means being a messy pile of complicated, often contradicting things.
I find that beautiful.
So the strange looks and all that shit is an annoyance, but I'd rather deal with that than reducing my thinking process to something shallow and superficial. I can be a punk, a geek, a romantic, a Buddhist, a stylish girly-girl, a reader of the classics, a fan of Black Flag and of Mozart, a baker of cupcakes, a swing dance aficionado who cries at ballet... None of these things seem paradoxical to me. People who are shocked that bad-assery can come in the most unexpected packages just don't get out of their comfort zone very much...
I think it's why the Zombie Unicorn is an image that works so well for me: no one would think a delicate unicorn could drip blood and gore all over her lilac wood. But if a unicorn is alive, it's got blood and guts, doesn't it? And it can definitely kick your ass. So don't sell those unicorns short!!
So, purple hair. Even if I work in an office. Even if I have traded my trashier clothes in favor of jeans and vintage t-shirts.
And I really got my hair colored that way just because... I felt... like... having... purple hair.
My hairdresser is the best, by the way ! Find the genius Marie-Claude's salon there: http://www.mascaradesalon.com/
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