Senior Citizens' Sex Life is Romantic

No, no, no! This isn't a blog about senior porn!! And there will be no mention of the visuals, because let's face it, I do not want the mental pictures. Now that this is out of the way, let's get to the topic.

I saw the Pixar movie "Up" for the first time last year, and I fell in love with it. I am kind of a sucker for animated motion pictures that do not take kids for a bunch of idiots. But I have to confess that the opening sequence that goes through Carl and Ellie's life together made me cry. A lot. Mostly because their story is so simple and yet so incredibly romantic.

As far as I can remember, I have always found elderly couples adorable. Much more so than teenagers, because generally, two seventy-something years old who are still together implies a kind of experience, patience and togetherness that no young couple can possibly have seen. That makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside, in a world where one marriage in three ends in divorce after an average life-span of four years. Kids who grew up with split-up parents are so common place now that it almost seems more shocking to me when someone tells me their parents are still together. Elderly couples are a beacon of hope that tugs at my little heart's romantic string.

Of course, one can argue that they come from a different world than us. Divorce was not even conceivable a little over fifty years ago, and you thought your shit out very carefully before saying "until death do us part", because you actually meant it. When I go to weddings, I can't help but snicker under my breath when that vow is taken, because people now actually mean: "for the foreseeable future". Is it me or should they actually say what they mean, here? But people seem to have gotten so used to instant coffee, quick-fix solutions and problem-solving pills that they have forgotten that a relationship is hard work (and a marriage is extra-hard work, especially if you throw kids in the mix). But when your car breaks down, you buy a new one; so when your marriage breaks down, you get a divorce. People don't seem to be willing to work at it much anymore... Ah, the culture of consumerism and disposability of everything, even human beings and their feelings...

(Did you guess that my parents are divorced?)

I am not saying people should suffer through abusive or terminally unhappy relationships; I'm just saying people should think a bit more carefully before committing to something as life-altering as marriage.

But I digress.

I read in a newspaper article last week, that over half of married couple between the ages of 75 to 85 had sexual intercourse 2 to 3 times a week, and that another 23% of that demographic have sex at least once a week (http://www.cyberpresse.ca/vivre/sexe/201111/24/01-4471187-le-bonheur-des-aines-dependrait-de-leur-activite-sexuelle.php). And these people describe themselves as very happy about their marriage.

For some reason, this struck me as unbelievably adorable. Let's face it, at that age, the "performance" aspect of sex has probably gone out the window a really long time ago. So I suppose that it is much more about being close to the other person, giving them love and tenderness and feeling alive. Now THAT is just so fucking romantic.

That stupid "I must perform, and be hot, and let my inner-porn-star shine through" approach to sex is something I could never understand. Call me a total girl, but sex is something terrifyingly intimate, and that "stallion" attitude is just a show to cover up feelings of fear and inadequacies. Sex is not something you do TO someone, it's something you do WITH them. If not, then you are just going through the basic animal urge to copulate. That's fine, but it also means you are disconnected from your partner, as far as I've experienced. And even if you don't care about them, this is still a person in your bed, with thoughts, feelings, a history and baggage. Just like you!

I like to think that those couples who are between 75 and 85 years old don't have that attitude. I like to think that if they still find each other desirable, it's because they have a real connection. I also like to think that they don't take themselves too seriously and are able to laugh at the possible hindrances that arthritis and dentures can be when it comes to foreplay.

And I wish younger people could take a page out of their book.

Purple Hair or An Eternal Misfit's Fashion Statement

I finally have purple hair! I've been fantasizing about it since June, and now my curls are gloriously mauve, with that little bleached lock by my left ear. They are too short to whip up the pretty retro up-do's I love so much, but it goes well with the mood I have been in lately. A standoffish mood.

There is nothing new there; it seems to be my default mood, really. Wherever I went never seemed to be the right place, so keeping my distance was generally the only thing to do. Trying to fit in was like trying to squeeze myself in a piece of clothing that didn't fit: I knew that I could try, but I would always look ridiculous and never feel comfortable.

It's how I knew that I was really in love when I met my man. I felt at home for the first time in my life. No need to pull, stretch, try to get things to fall into place. They just did.

But back to the main topic. Once I realized that trying to fit, even in so-called anti-conformist scenes (more about that later...), was a waste of time, I just figured that doing what I wanted and what I liked was the best thing to do, regardless of people's expectations. I don't like the words "anti-conformity" all that much because it starts with such an obviously negative stance. But it's the necessary first step towards knowing yourself, expressing yourself and being yourself, truly, without any social constraints. None of that is easy, by the way. And most of the time, you need to go through a lot of loneliness and pain before you find the right place.

There are unfortunate side-effects to deal with, once the decision to just be yourself is made. I deal with dirty looks, snide comments and big surprised eyes almost on a daily basis. But people think they know what meets their eyes. They latch their attention on to one detail (or an ensemble of details), and associate it with the closest stereotype they can think of. But real, honest people are not stereotypes. They are human beings, and that means being a messy pile of complicated, often contradicting things.

I find that beautiful.

So the strange looks and all that shit is an annoyance, but I'd rather deal with that than reducing my thinking process to something shallow and superficial. I can be a punk, a geek, a romantic, a Buddhist, a stylish girly-girl, a reader of the classics, a fan of Black Flag and of Mozart, a baker of cupcakes, a swing dance aficionado who cries at ballet... None of these things seem paradoxical to me. People who are shocked that bad-assery can come in the most unexpected packages just don't get out of their comfort zone very much...

I think it's why the Zombie Unicorn is an image that works so well for me: no one would think a delicate unicorn could drip blood and gore all over her lilac wood. But if a unicorn is alive, it's got blood and guts, doesn't it? And it can definitely kick your ass. So don't sell those unicorns short!!

So, purple hair. Even if I work in an office. Even if I have traded my trashier clothes in favor of jeans and vintage t-shirts.

And I really got my hair colored that way just because... I felt... like... having... purple hair.

My hairdresser is the best, by the way ! Find the genius Marie-Claude's salon there: http://www.mascaradesalon.com/